The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby 
English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. 
 
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that 
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- 
year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”. 
 
In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will 
make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in 
favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have 
one less letter There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond 
year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will 
make words like fotograf 20% shorter. 
 
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted 
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. 
 
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have 
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. 
 
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag 
is disgrasful and it should go away. 
 
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as 
replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”. 
 
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords 
kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl 
riten styl. 
 
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu 
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. 
 
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in 
ze forst plas.

« »